E,
Every time I talk to you, you remind me of Sam I Am and we have the same conversation over and over…
I did not fuck you yesterday, I will not be fucking you today
I will not fuck you on a train, I will not fuck you in the rain
I do not want to fuck you man…what kind of girl do you think I am?
Same thing over and over…and each time the only thing I can think is why do you want to fuck me anyway? Is it because I turned you down that time? Is it because I used to hang on your every word and now your words mean nothing to me? Is it because you know I’m fucking Swiz and you’re jealous because I chose him and not you? Or could it possibly be that you just really like me?
I don’t know. I’m not sure if I really want to know.
I admit, I still feel that same old attraction I have always felt for you…but at the same time, I still feel that same old apprehension I always felt with you. It’s like we’re magnets constantly flipping this way and that…repelling and attracting, adoring and despising, admiring and fearing. That’s how it has been with us from the beginning, never mentally in the same place at the same time, yet…we managed to form this wonderfully refreshing and honest relationship where we can talk to each other about anything…except how we really feel about each other…because I really don’t think either of us actually knows the answer to that.
I just have a really bad feeling that if we ever were to give into these impulses, we will lose something between us…and we will regret it and never be the same again.
Besides, I love Swiz…and I wouldn’t let go of him to grab onto to you to save my life. You’re married, Eric. Whatever happens, that will always be the truth…that you’re married and no matter how much I might want you, you could never be mine.
So please…just drop it already. OK?
Unattainable,
TeeTee