Swiz,
How does it feel to be on the other side of an unanswered phone?
Just how did you feel, exactly, when it clicked and went to voice mail and after waiting 10 minutes for me to call back, what compelled you to call me again…and then…yet again?
Did you wonder where I was? Or more so, did you wonder who I was with? Did it piss you off when I didn’t call the next day to acknowledge that you called and I saw that you called? Did you drive by my place to see if the lights were on? Was that you?
Was that you?
I know it’s killing you right now…the not knowing…the fact that I did NOT answer when you called after us being separated for so long. I know you think I was with another man. I know you are so pissed right now because your ass wasn’t there waiting for you when you wanted it, and still hasn’t come to you in apology. I know you’re wondering if you did something wrong or if it’s over or if we’ll see each other again.
I know this because I feel the same way when I don’t hear from you….so I guess you can say I feel this way every day until you call and come again. So now you know what’s it like.
Now you know how it feels to be me loving you for one day. Now intensify that by 352 (a year minus the days of the month I do see you and the day that you are having now) and you will have some idea of what’s it’s like for me day in and day out, and maybe…just maybe you will question how I am able to deal with that and still love you as much as I do. Maybe you will appreciate me now and see me differently.
What am I saying? Of COURSE you’ll appreciate and see me differently NOW…because I am finally seeing YOU for who you are and pulling away from you because I’m seeing that loving you isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
And now that we know all this…maybe…just maybe…good-bye won’t be as hard to say as I dread it will be.
Please…God…let something for once be easy.
Suffering in silence,
Thea